Ejaculation

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It’s 19 years ago. A summer midday. No air conditioning; it’s hot, though it doesn’t bother me much. There aren’t many cars in the streets, especially in this time of the day and year. I hardly can hear any noise. There’s just this deep tranquillity, and it lets me hear a far away mosque calling for the noon prayers. Most of the houses in the neighbourhood are one-storeyed, so when looking out of the open window, I can see the farthest parts of the city.

I’m thinking of Javad, my classmate from Torbat Heydariyeh. I know it’s a far far away place in the east. And I know ‘torbat’ means soil in Persian. I’m wondering what kind of place it can be — perhaps a small, calm city in the middle of the desert.

I have nothing to do, no work, no school assignment, no computers, no books to read, nothing. I’m not thinking of the future nor the past. And it’s hot. And calm. A summer noon in my childhood.

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I can’t go to sleep. I can’t. Tomorrow it’ll be too late. Tonight I have to read all the novels I ever wanted to read. I have to listen to all the songs I had known about. I have to learn about the history of all nations, all those wars, all those genocides. I have to think about every person I’ve ever known, especially the forgotten ones. Maybe there’ll be no tomorrow. Perhaps a war will break out, or a genocide. Or many people will die for various reasons. Or at least I’ll die. I have to cry for everyone. For those who were killed in Rwanda. For all the victims of Enfal. For Rosa Luxemburg. For Muhemed Horaz. For Ferzad Kemanger. For the two brothers who died in the cold. For my own brother. For my mother. For myself.

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“Vhy” really, as Persians say, “vhy ease dis vorld deh vay eat ease?” (This was written at a late November noon when the sun was feeble and the cold blue sky was silent with flying pigeons.)

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Windows 7 is the most ‘natural’ operating system I’ve ever seen. Things seem to have a mind of their own. So far, my defiant internet connection has made up its mind not to memorise any of its settings; Firefox finds it refreshing to change its Personas once in a while; Windows Media Center pretends not to find the songs he doesn’t find cool; and the Language Bar can’t get along with English United Kingdom as the main input language.

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Ejaculation. It’s been one of my historical terms. And a keyword in the blacklist, so you can’t open this blog without a proxy. I think I’ve made just another point right there.